Drabble
by outerelf
Summary: Small drabbles from the Random Pairing Generator and the TF bunny farm. Rated T to give me plenty of wiggle room.
1. Red Alert BW Inferno

**(G1) Red Alert/(BW) Inferno/Pet**

Red Alert wasn't quiet sure what to make of the small, dancing in rage mech that was trapped behind the bars. He was so slagging tiny, no bigger then a human, small enough that it was a surprise that it was even alive, and let alone had a spark.

Of course, it's other features…

The Lamborghinis optics roved over the red paint job, listening idly to its threats of killing and maiming, until something caught his auditory receptor – "I'm going to burn you all to the slagging pit! Burn you hear me! Burn!"

Miniature flamethrowers spurted at Red Alert, missing the Lamborghini.

The Lamborghini stared at the miniature flamethrowers, before asking aloud, "What is your name?"

"It's Inferno you stupid glitching autobot!" The small mech hissed, glowering angrily.

Red Alerts faceplate twitched, once. Slowly the Lamborghini nodded, before standing calmly, to walk out of the room. There, he was greeted by a slightly anxious Inferno. "Red, are ya alright?"

"Pfft!" Red Alert desperately tried to stop the laugh that threatened to break out of his vocalizer. "Inferno-" The name was strangled, very much so. "-Please, go away."

"What?" Inferno jerked back, confused. "What's the matter Red? Was it something I did?"

"No- no…" Red Alerts shoulders shook. "It's just- just-"

Red Alert broke into gales of laughter as he pointed at the stunned Inferno. "Oh Primus Inferno- He's got your _name_."

"Wait, what? I thought you were talkin' to that little mech in there." Inferno made a vague movement at the brig, as Red Alert nodded, collapsing against the wall.

"Yes, and Inferno, he's practically you, in a rotten attitude. I'm going to Prime and I'm going to go ask if I can keep him." Red Alert giggled again, at Infernos adorably confused expression.

"Trust me Inferno, you'll like him a lot."

As Red Alert walked off with a smile on his lips, Inferno was left behind scratching the back of his head. "What just happened here?"

He entered into the brig in time to see the small mech shake his fist at the door. "Stupid Autobots! I dare you to come closer so I can melt you into slag!"

Infernos optic ridges rose, as he considered the small mech before him, before he obligingly knelt down close to the Decepticon. "C'mon, ah wanna see-"

The Autobot broke off as the Decepticon shot its flamethrowers at him, growling its serious displeasure as the fire threatened to gutter out on him. The Autobot scowled slightly. "Slag, must be my flame-dampening field. One moment."

Inferno rushed out of the brig after his mate.

-

Optimus Prime wasn't sure _what_ to make of the two pleading pair of optics. Usually he got insane requests from the aerial bots and mechs like them. Not his S.D. and residential fire expert. "Please Prime, can we keep him?"


	2. Inferno and Teletraan

**Teletraan / Inferno / fighting**

It wasn't fair. The machine hummed softly as the mech dragged its companion yet _again_, leaving it alone with no one to talk to, no one willing to listen.

Teletraan screens flickered once in anger. The only time anyone else talked to it was to calculate data. Only one mech actually bothered to talk to it any more then that, and that mech was being dragged away once again by its companion, talking something about 'recharge'.

Teletraan recognized the mechs need for recharge, but still, this was becoming ridiculous. He didn't need to recharge _that_ much, and the mech had stated as much himself. Of course-

Teletraan locked the door to the hallway, sulkily. He wanted someone to talk to. Now.

The mech that had been dragged off for recharge sighed, as the larger mech scowled at the keycode. "Red, ya didn't do anything to it, did ya?"

"No Inferno. I think Teletraan is simply-"

"Teletraan can handle watching for 'Cons. As for now, ya gotta get at least a little recharge Red."

Teletraan ignored Prime on the other side of the door, attempting to override its codes. Nor did it stir when Inferno thumped the keycode soundly. "Slag it, what's wrong?"

Red Alert turned around, "I'm going to go back-"

"No. Slagging. Way." Inferno grunted, eyeing the door suspiciously. "Ya haven't gotten rest lately, and ya _need_ it."

Red Alert swayed slightly, smiling sleepily at Inferno. "Everyone gets lonely Inferno. I think I'll go back."

Teletraan cautiously scanned Red Alert, before compiling the information that it had received. No, Inferno was correct.

With a defeated hum, Teletraan allowed the door to slide open to allow the two mechs through. Inferno had won this battle for Red Alert, but Teletraan knew he would win the next. After all, Red Alert always came back.


	3. Red Alert and Pipes

**Red Alert / Pipes / asleep**

He couldn't sleep. Red Alert wandered down the empty hallways, listening to the soft thrum of engines in recharge through the doorway. Prime had locked him out of the control room, Inferno was away on business, and Prowl had been dragged off by Jazz.

An amazingly short list of mechs to talk to, but usually adequate. Usually he could be in the control room watching other sleep, or interact with each other, not just wandering empty hallways as he listened to others recharge.

Restlessly he turned a corner, heading towards the more unused parts of the Ark. He had plenty of cameras down that way, to check, but it would still be worth looking over. Maybe Laserbeak had found some hole through the area and that's how he always sneaked in.

Silently he wandered the corridors, check and rechecking his security system, fixing a few of the bugs he found. He rounded the corner to find- "Pipes? What are you doing?"

The minibot in question jumped in surprise as he turned to look at the larger mech, smiling sheepishly. "Just reorganizing everything."

Red Alerts optics swept across the piles of junk, one optic ridge quirking upwards. "What… is all of this?"

"Oh, just machines that humans have thrown away." Pipes replied, shifting through the particularly large pile in front of him. "Like, see here, it's a carrot juicer, and then this is weights for a human face-"

Pipes broke off with a sudden optic shuttering. "I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear about it. Not a lot of mechs do."

Red Alert decided to skate over that thin ice statement by changing the subject. "Why are you back here Pipes? Most mechs are in recharge now."

"I couldn't sleep, and felt restless, so I've been trying to reorganize the piles into something where I can actually find something when I look for it, but I'm not having the best of luck."

Pipes turned back to his piles, as Red Alert glanced around. He was a bit amazed that the piles were still mostly untouched. Surely Sideswipe would've swiped _some_ of it for his pranks.

Pripes grinned as he played with an item, and Red Alert got an idea of why Pipes was having such a hard time organizing his piles. But, Pipes had recently come out of a battle, and he needed to rest-

With a mental sigh, and a sharp realization of how desperate he was to do _something_, Red Alert offered, "Would you like me to help?"

"What?"

"Would you like me to help?"

"I- wouldn't want to pull you away from anything your doing…"

"I'm not doing anything right now. Can't." Red Alert grimaced slightly, and the minibot grinned.

"That would be nice." Pipes admitted. The minibot quickly explained how he had been trying to organize the items, and both of them went to work.

Rather, Red Alert went to work, while Pipes played with the items, distracted every time he found something new. Red Alert listened to Pipes mumbled commentary as he attempted to figure out what each item did, or just plain oogled at it.

Slowly the murmurs became more and more indistinct, before the soft thrum of a recharging engine filled the room. Red Alert straightened form the pile he was currently shifting through, to turn and look at the peacefully sleeping minibot, clutching some oddly shaped item. His head tilted to one side, before Red Alert pattered off down the hallway.

He returned a moment later, bearing a blanket. The minibot didn't wake as he firmly wrapped the blanket around him, nor did the minibot stir as Red Alert continued cataloging the items. Who knew, maybe he could have them organized by the time Inferno came back, so that way he could get some recharge as well.


	4. Red Alert and Teletraan

**Red Alert / Teletraan / Disagreement**

Red Alert tapped Teletraans surface as he passed by it. "That was mean."

Teletraan replied back calmly, "He deserved it."

"He did not. You're just being ornery."

"I am programmed to make living in the Ark more hospitable for all Autobots." Teletraan reminded, switching to another argument.

"I know very well that you managed to reprogram yourself to include him as a neutral. Don't attempt to lie to me." Red Alert huffed as he continued writing in a datapad. "Why did you do that anyways?"

_Because I want someone who'll talk to me instead of demanding inane things all the time._ "I have my own reasons. I don't recall you saying anything when I did a similar thing to Bumblebee."

"Bumblebee has the entire Ark wrapped around his little finger. And I can't arrest you, or even stop you in any way."

There was that, Teletraan realized, Red Alert could officially do nothing to stop Teletraan from doing whatever it wanted. There were other, much more sneaky ways to keep Teletraan from doing what it wanted. Red Alert apparently, wouldn't do anything. That made the machine smug. Red Alert, sensing it, growled, "Don't think that you're going to get off easily."

Teletraan reminded Red Alert quietly, "I am the one who watches for Decepticons when you cannot seeming how very few of the Ark members actually watch."

Red Alert slammed the datapad on Teletraans surface. "Very well. But you better not touch Inferno like that again, or you're going to find a few of your programs changed drastically."

"Is that a threat?"

"Yes."

"Very well."

Hurt, Teletraan shut up, and Red Alert sank down into his chair, both of them too proud to admit they had been wrong in the disagreement, and had gone too far.


	5. Red Alert and Snarl

Red Alert / Dinobot

He liked him. The one whom was always willing to pretend he wasn't there whenever he wanted to be alone. After he had explained his situation, the other had always been willing to leave him alone to sit and think, no matter _who_ was calling for him.

He knew others didn't think that _he_ thought- but he left the 'higher' more 'smarter' thinking to Grimlock and Swoop. He wasn't _perfectly_ content to watch others, but he found it much easier then to explain how his thought process worked.

Only one actually took the time to leave him alone, and he was grateful for that. The other had even suggested a place where he could be alone and still be safe. He appreciated that, he truly did.

That was why he now stood in front of the Security Room, holding a bunch of wilting flowers. He had heard somewhere once that one sent flowers to those they liked- well, he was ok with this Autobot, despite the Autobot having the inherit weakness of all Autobots.

Grimlock had called him stupid, but yet, he was still here. The other had given him plenty in return, so maybe now was the time to return it.

Red Alert looked immensely surprised as the huge bundle of flowers were shoved in his hands, and he tried for a hesitant smile. "Thank you Snarl?"

Snarl nodded. "Me Snarl thank you Red Alert for leaving me Snarl alone when me Snarl wish to think."

A slight smile appeared on Red Alerts face, as he awkwardly shifted the bundle of flowers. The small bundle for him nearly overwhelmed the S.D., but Snarl didn't actually notice-

All he noticed was that the next day when he happened to pass by, all of the roses had found themselves in jars of water, and were randomly scattered around the room, filling it with its beautiful sweetness.

Snarl made a mental note to bring more flowers to Red Alert when those died- the Autobot was actually humming as he worked in the room that day, and it brightened his day just a little to know that he was the cause of that happiness.


	6. Red Alert and Surprise

Red Alert flinched as the voices tugged at his Auditory receptors. Scared, he turned, and saw nobody. Still the voices persisted at his auditory receptor, telling him of secrets he didn't want to hear.

_"Red Alert is a little pain-in-the-aft, isn't he?"_

"Hey, Sunny, do you wanna help me rig up the newest prank for Red?"

"I'm getting concerned Prime. Red Alert is rapidly deteriorating, and I don't think he'll hold onto his sanity for too much longer…"

Red Alerts head shook desperately. He wasn't insane. He knew he wasn't. He hoped he wasn't. NO! He knew he wasn't insane. Maybe a little more paranoid then most, but that paranoia had saved him more then once.

A knock sounded at the edge of the doorframe. "Red, ya alright?"

Red Alert jumped as Blaster voice cut across the voices whispering those terrible things, easing them to near inaudibility. He nodded slowly. "I-I'm fine. Simply a little- off balance."

Blasters head cocked to one side, but he nodded and let it go. The Tapedeck left the room, and once again the voices began tormenting him.

_"You know Starscream, I just thought of a good way of luring out your little pet-"_

"Inferno, how do you put up with Red Alert? He's always so stiff and he never has any fun!"

Red Alert flinched, before turning away, optics dimming softly. It was stupid really. These voices were not real. He could not believe they were real, for he had turned off his auditory receptors once, and still found he could hear the whispers.

"Red-" Bumblebees voice flittered across the comm. link, confused. "There's some sort of alert on the Teletraan-"

"Oh, what does it say?"

"Umm, code 34450."

"Don't worry about it Bumblebee, I'll take care of it. Simply tell Teletraan to drop it, and continue on."

Red Alert quickly pattered out of the room. A camera had been destroyed on the outer perimeter. He'd have to go and retrieve it. Silently he ignored his own security protocols as he sped out into the desert, and up the mountainside.

He bypassed his own security cameras, ignoring them as he headed for the destroyed one. When he reached it, he slowed, frowning at it. The camera was half melted, and it didn't look as if it could be from any natural damage-

A Seekers wicked, delighted cackle came form behind as an arm circled his waist. "Well, well, well. Looks like we did catch somebody." A kiss was mockingly pressed against the back of his neck.

"Let go!" Red Alert flailed against the encompassing arms, sending out a distress signal. To his horrification it bounced back. The Autobots wouldn't even realize that he was missing, or gone at all-

Hands shoved him down into the dirt, and he cried out in pain as fingers raked against delicate sensors. Terrified he curled up against the fingers, waiting for the worst.

The worst came as hands flipped him out onto his back, straightening him out. All the while he struggled against those fingers, and the hands. "No, stop! Please, somebody help me!"

Starscream yelped as a hand yanked him up short, and he turned, red optics blazing. They dimmed a little as he realized whom he was staring at. "Soundwave-"

Soundwave nodded. _It has gone on long enough. I believe he is properly terrified._ Soundwave didn't allow these thoughts to escape as he said tonelessly, "Starscream: enough."

The Autobot stared at him in confusion, shivering and curling up into a little ball. Starscreams optics burned in hatred, but he took a step back. Not even he dared go against Soundwave unprepared. "I'll get you for this."

Soundwave watched him go, before turning to Red Alert. The small Lamborghini couldn't of resisted even if he wished, and didn't dare lash out at his unsuspected savior tenderly picked him up. "Why? Why did you-"

A finger was pressed against the lips, as Soundwave didn't say why. He had planned for this, for many long months. First he had sent the telepathic mind attacks on the unknowing Red Alert, before arranging for Starscream to go after the Autobot. Everything was perfectly calculated-

Including his plan to seduce the unsuspecting Autobot, and at last gain complete access to the files within the CPU.

Soundwave gently set Red Alert to his feet within sight of the Ark. "You can find your way from here." He turned away, slowly disappeared into the forest, not looking back as Red Alert stared dumbly after him.

Everything was perfectly calculated. He would meet the Autobot again, exactly as planned, and the seduction would begin.


	7. Red Alert and Metroplex

Red Alert stood stock still, watching the damaged, still alive mechs from Tyger Pax be carted into Metroplex, desperately praying, hoping, wishing- His body remained at its normal stance even as his optics grew more and more frantic at the slowly dwindling group.

_Where is he? Where is he?_ All breath nearly flew out of Red Alert as one of the mechs stopped, looking at him. "I'm the last."

"The last? Are you certain?"

"Yes. The rest are dead. We were lucky to have this many alive, though most aren't expected to live for too much longer." The dull, monotone reply was the only reason why he didn't snap. Instead he nodded slowly, and turned away.

There he came face to face with Scamper, one of Metroplex's drones. The drone looked across at him, as he looked at it, before gruffly passing by, not up to the chatter that was sure to come about. Scamper allowed him to bypass, before it after the injured.

Red Alert didn't really care. The one he had been waiting for hadn't come back. He stormed down the hallways, at heading for his room. The walls had been soundproofed after he had become Security Director- one of the many perks of the job.

Maybe there he could scream his spark out- A hand descended upon his shoulder, and he found himself staring up at Six-gun.

-

Normally Metroplex would not of bothered sending part of himself after a single Autobot. Autobots came and went, sometimes good, sometimes bad, and normally most forgot he even existed. This mech… while not _different_ from the rest, had worked closely with Metroplex in order to make sure he was no longer quite so vulnerable.

Since the first meeting, Metroplex had grown to respect the small Lamborghini, and even like him a little. That was why he had sent his most heavily armed drone after the Lamborghini. Anything less armored would be torn to shreds and say how little he respected the mech.

Six-gun hugged the Lamborghini close. "I noticed that Inferno didn't come back."

Six-gun could literally feel Red Alerts spark stop pulsing for a moment. Then, the entire body stiffened within the hug, as the Lamborghini began to shake. "What business is it of yours."

"I'm part of Metroplex. Don't think I didn't notice the way you two would meet-"

Red Alert managed to twist in Six guns arm to throw a good punch at the mech. "Shut. Up. I'm perfectly fine-"

"Fine? I believe your lover just died-" Six-gun retorted, when Red Alert screeched in fury, slamming his foot against the energon processor. The drone doubled over, as Red Alert brought a fist back to punch the mech in the face.

Six-gun caught it, and the door to Red Alerts room slid open. He practically tossed Red Alert into it, and darted in himself as the first head poked out of the hallway in confusion about what was going on.

Red Alert slowly picked himself off the floor, optics spitting blue flames. He was a Lamborghini. And like the rest of his fellow compatibility types, he was one processor short of a full CPU, and when fully riled up, an obsessive, terrifying fighter.

The only problem with Red Alert fighting would be his smaller form, but it was faster then the twins own heavily armored forms, and he knew how to use it to his advantage. He spun around the drone, before tackling the mech around the legs. Six-gun collapsed to his knees, cursing.

Metroplex hadn't calculated this problem. Red Alert had seen so many fights break out among his fellow Autobots, watched them so many times, he knew a wide variety of dirty moves. While each move was clearly done by an amateur, and lacked the full power of the true move, the fact that he even knew what to do was bad enough. Normally he was in no state to use them when the chance did arise, but now was a completely different matter.

Six-gun fought back, not bothering to try to hold back against the grief stricken Lamborghini. "Inferno left! He left! We both trusted Prime! He told us that it would be a simple diversion!"

Another punch landed solidly against Six-gun, and Metroplex found himself grateful that he was the one whom had managed to get to Red Alert first. Prime wouldn't of been pleased to find out his security director had a lover when the Lamborghini thoroughly thrashed the nearest mech. "I trusted Inferno to come back safely like he always does! He wasn't supposed to die out there! He wasn't supposed to die!"

Six-gun found himself holding a suddenly limp Lamborghini, brokenly sobbing his spark out. "He wasn't supposed to be first. What am I supposed to do now?"

Metroplex found himself without an answer as Red Alert continued crying, the fluid running down his face, one hand still pounding weakly against the metallic chest.

-----

A/n: Ok, this probably requires a long explanation. One, it's in movieverse, and while puttering around wikipedia, I found out that Inferno is one of the mechs Bumblebee commands during Tyger Pax. The one where Bumblebee lost his vocalizer. I nearly cried, because that brought about the idea that Inferno probably died there along with everyone else.


	8. Letters

25. Before the war, Inferno was a slave and was force to bond himself to his master. When the fighting did start, his master joined the Decepticon army and since he was just really an item, Inferno never really joined them. His master than send Inferno over to the Autobots to spy on them and report back to him. For years this when on and Inferno found himself torn between his bonded Decepticon master and his new friends than he made in the Autobots, plus his growing feelings for the likes of Red Alert. Waking up on Earth didn't help make these feelings any better as his master was on Earth too and has now order him to kill Red.

* * *

_Dear Red,_

_You're probably never going to read this. In fact, I know you aren't going to read this, because I'm going to toss it into the nearest fire as soon as I've completed it. Besides which, you always complain about how my handwriting is so sloppy, and even I can't really read what I'm reading. Think I should try to become a human medic?_

…_I don't really know where to begin Red. You're always complaining about how I always rush off into the middle of the fight, and how I never stick around when you actually need me the most. Is that how you view me Red, as your shield and protection?_

_I want to know. I want to know everything about ya, now that we got bonded. I know it was an accidental bond, but I'd still like to know more about you, but I'm too scared to say anything._

_You're the only reason why I'm not dead. You willingly gave up your spark for me, bonding with me to fight back the Decepticons bond that held me prisoner. Even though you knew that I had been giving information to the other side, you still bonded with me to save me. I probably lost all your trust. _

_I'm sorry about this, you being forced to bond with me. It must be your worst nightmare, being bonded with a traitor._

_I know you might protest it, but believe me, I know. I know that you probably didn't want to touch me with a ten foot pole, and probably only saved me through bonding because it was a last ditch option. Though you should've let me died with the 'Con, and I'm not certain why you saved me, I do know this:_

_But Red, I love ya. _

_It's my greatest secret, one I can't tell you, because I'm afraid to love you. Afraid that what happened with the 'Cons will happen again even though I know you wouldn't use me that way, but I'm still afraid of saying anything, and I don't know why…_

_Red? Even if everyone insists that you should change, please don't. Don't ya ever change. Be my rock for me, one that I can depend on. Please?_

DELETE FILE SELECTED. Y/N

Y

ARE YOU CERTAIN? Y/N

Y

FILE DETED IN TEN SECONDS.

NINE.

EIGHT.

SEVEN.

SIX

FIVE

FOUR

THREE

TWO

ONE-

ACTION CANCLED.

-

_Dear Inferno,_

_I can't believe I'm doing this. You'd probably never forgive me, if you found out that I read your letter._

_I'm sorry about the bonding as well. It was a last-ditch desperate attempt to save your spark, to keep you from going out. And I know all about you having a Decepticon bonded- even if you were just a slave and he was controlling you for that. I did my research Inferno. None of this was your fault._

_Inferno, how can you love me? How can you even bear to think about loving me? I was the one who forced the bond upon you. I don't know if you're in love with me because you have too or not. I do know this as well:_

_Inferno, I love you as well. I know sooner or later you'll get tired of me, decide that you're in love with someone else, and if you do… I'm not sure if I can willingly give up the bond. _

_But, I'm willing to wait. I can wait, until either you fall in love with someone else, or you feel comfortable enough with me to ask for a mutual breaking of the bond. Or if you even decide to go permanently glitchy and ask for me to unblock my side of the bond. I can wait, I can be patient until your spark heals enough that you feel willing to trust again, because I know what its like to not trust anyone._

_Once, I thought I could become more open, more carefree because of you. Because I thought that's what you wanted. I thought if I did that, you might love me back, just a little. Primus knows I know that the main reason why you've stuck around me is because you were ordered to protect me. So I thought I could change._

_Now I know that isn't what you wanted. Now I know that is the exact opposite of what you wanted. I will stay the same for you Inferno. Through fire and flame, ice and snow, I will stay the same._

_I will always be your paranoid security director._

DELETE FILES SELECTED? Y/N

Y

ARE YOU CERTAIN? Y/N

Y

FILE DELETED IN TEN SECONDS.

NINE

EIGHT

SEVEN

SIX

FIVE

FOUR

THREE

TWO

ONE

ZERO

FILES DELETED.

…

…

…

…

FILES CAN BE RECOVERD. WOULD YOU LIKE TO RECOVER? Y/N


	9. WoW

36: Spike: *shrieks insanely*

Red Alert: *growls* Yeah, yeah, I'm hideous, I know. I'm a human corpse. I know. Now get over it and help me get you out of this cage.

* * *

Red Alert was not having a good day today. First it had been the surprise attack. Then came the shot from behind. Suddenly he was inside a human's body (one that was rotting to boot) and under the command of a Queen, and apparently trying to rescue Spike from his own 'comrades'. If he ever needed proof that Primus hated him, this was it. "Shut up! Yes, I'm hideous. I'm a human corpse, I know that as well. Now tell me how to use these rotting fingers to get you out of this cage." He was forced to ignore the humans continued screaming as he got to work, muttering under his breath. "Oh nooo, Primus. I couldn't live a normal life, and now you can't even let me die properly. What did I do to make you hate me so much? Huh? What did I do, and tell me how I can correct it, because obviously your trying to keep me out! Pah- out of all things…"

----

Optimus Prime groaned as he and the other Autobots surged out of the stasis under which they had been in. Sideswipe groaned painfully as he rubbed his side. "Slag- I swear I am never going to play WoW again. Never."

"Shut up Sideswipe." The flat, angry tone made the larger Lamborghini wince as Red Alerts snarling face-plate came into view. "At least you were an elf. I was a primus-forsaken human corpse! I was rotting, I could feel my body parts falling off-"

Optimus Prime held up a hand to forestall further cursing and complaints. "Yes Red Alert. We know. You complained about it throughout the entire quest."

"Yeah, while we got all of the odd looks that we were teaming up with a zombie." Sunstreaker snarled.

"And what about the shrieks of horror when the races saw me?"

"But you're an officer! You enjoy shrieks of horror!"

* * *

a/n: Yet another bunny prompt. I also got a question, if anyone's willing, wanna be my beta reader? Or at least recommend a good one that would probably be willing? (I have decided it's probably high time to get one.)


	10. Facemasks Are Important

This was utterly ridiculous. He could offline the smaller mech in a moment, and the other wouldn't even be able to put up a good fight. He was slightly damaged, one arm sparking wildly, yet he stared at Megatron, clearly calculating the odds. Odds against him.

The Autobot took a step back; Megatron smirked, and leveled his fusion blaster, despite the fact he doubted he needed it. "Well, well, well. What have we here? A single Autobot very far from home."

There was no answer to from the Autobot, though his door-wings shifted higher in the silence. Megatrons' smirk twisted to a leer. "Now, what to do with you…"

The Autobots head tilted upwards, his blue optics completely clear. Obviously the Autobot had decided upon a plan of action. This would be amusing-

"MPH?" The sound of an utterly shocked vocalizer failing miserably to make an intelligible noise filled the air. Megatron instead half stared/half gaped at the Datsun kissing him on the lips. A glossa slipped into his mouth, before abruptly withdrawing.

The next moment, the Datsun was gone, leaving behind nothing more then the memory of the lips, and the glossa. "Who the slag was that?" He demanded, before a hand reached up to cover his lips.

If this was the usual behavior of Autobots, to go around kissing others, he now knew why his arch-nemesis wore the stupid looking facemask. That action was still sending his CPU in for a second reel-

Megatron shook himself, and stormed back to the Decpeticon base. He hesitated over ordering Soundwave to look up the Autobot- he'd rather keep his position of being top dog for now.

Silently he stormed into his throne room, and keyed on the console beside him. Soon he was scrolling through all of the Autobots stationed…

One hand came up to slap his suddenly crimson face, as he took a deep, calming breath. It worked for three astroseconds as he resisted the urge to destroy the console. Then, the sound of the console being ripped out of the throne echoed loudly down the hallway.

Soundwave sighed as much as he could, and made a small note to buy his lord a new computer for the fifth time this week, as the ranting, raving voice of Megatron about Second-in-Commands, face-masks, kisses, and interfacing filled the base.

* * *

a/n: School starts tomorrow for me. ;.; Something fun for you all. I also got a poll going on. Drop by please.


	11. Bonded Surprise

The Ark members chattered to themselves as the various groups swirled around the cafeteria- the official announcement had just gotten in, and everyone was buzzing with excitment.

The femmes were coming. The **femmes** were coming _here_ to the Ark.

After several millenniums finally some of them could get laid!

"Jazz, did you get the list of designations for all of the femmes?"

"Yep, we've got Elita-one, Firestar-" Jazz expertly rattled off the list as Smokescreen began taking bets on which ones were easily catchable, which ones were probably taken by now, and just how many break-ups were going to end in optic flushing. "Then there's Chromia-"

"What's this about Chromia?" A dangerous rumble came from behind Jazz, along with the sounds of an cannon slowly coming online.

"Nothing Ironhide. We're just discussing who's coming to visit the Ark."

The cannons died down as the mech nodded, optics sharp. "Good."

A soft pattering of footsteps alerted the group that someone else was coming, when Red Alert appeared at the cafeteria door. A few optic ridges rose in surprise- Red Alert? Go somewhere crowded? Must be something important- "Ironhide, I need you for a few clicks."

"What is it now Red?" Ironhide huffed softly, "I just got off my shift."

"I apologize Ironhide, but it is important. It's about when the femme's dock- Optimus Prime wishes to make certain that the hold is properly cleaned out and I have several victims that need to kept in line, but I'm a bit on the busy side..."

Ironhide smirked as he patted his cannon. "You can count on me. I needed a little target practice."

Red Alert nodded, and vanished out the open doorway- all without taking a single step into the cafeteria. Smokescreen turned to Sideswipe. "I told you that disabling comnlinks wouldn't make him take a single step into the cafeteria. Pay up."

Sideswipe grumbled as he handed over the bet, before grinning as he turned to Sunstreaker. "Oh Sunny, I just had a great idea~"

"Leave me out of it idiot. And don't call me Sunny." Sunstreaker snarled in reply.

* * *

Red Alert shifted uneasily as the shuttle bearing the femme's slowly nosed its way into the Ark's docking area. Outside he could see nothing but an asteroid field but _still_, the Decepticons could be lurking anywhere, and he had been dragged away unwillingly from the security monitors...

Ironhide, nearby, leaned close to mutter, "Two breems Red."

"I know Ironhide. Don't forget to greet Chromia properly."

A black and white datsun doorwings shifted higher up, slightly curious on what they were talking about. "Red Alert-"

The clipped, monotone voice was drowned out as the femme's piled out of the ship, giggling and running optics over the mechs. Sunstreaker preened carefully, golden paint perfect, as his bright red twin grinned, lazily waving to several of the femmes.

They giggled and waved back as another femme joined the group, "Ironhide! Red Alert!"

"Chromia!" Ironhide swept forward to hug her, as she hugged back delightedly.

"Good, now, if you don't mind me, I want to go find myself a proper interfacing partner."

Ironhide frowned, as those close enough to hear gawked. "You shouldn't just pick up any old mech-"

"No worries. This is the Ark right, best warriors there are? I'm certain at least one will match me on the berth."

Ironhide growled, cannon slowly powering up once more. "That's not the point-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa- wait a breem... Ironhide, I thought you were bonded to Chromia?"

"Pit slagging NO!" Chromia rounded on Ironhide, a dangerous glint in her optics. "Ironhide, haven't you told them?"

"It's not like we've been hiding it, I thought they would've guessed by now."

"That's it! I'm sick and tired of always hearing 'Aren't you Ironhide's femme?'. I demand that you do a proper bonding ceremony with your bonded."

Ironhide stared at her, before growling, "We had our ceremony, a nice quiet one thank you-"

Red Alert cautiously approached the tangle, unnoticed by the group of mechs, more fixated on the argument that was unfolding in front of their optics. "-But I'm still considered yours! Which I'm not."

"But-"

"Red Alert!"

The small red and white Lamborghini twitched slightly at Chromia's yell. "May I help you?"

"TELL THE SLAGGING CREW THAT YOU AND IRONHIDE ARE BONDED!"

* * *

a/n: Crack. Pure and unadulterated crack.


End file.
